My Bank™ who shall remain nameless is on the revenue trail again. As usual. And who can blame them? Profits of hundreds of millions of dollars just don’t cut it with the shareholders anymore, so new ways have to be found to boost the bottom line.

Cutting services, closing branches, and charging exorbitant rates of interest on credit cards lead to fantastic income streams but more could really be done. Do you know what I mean?

In light of the said branch closures and service cut backs, the bank has surreptitiously conditioned me, and many others, into make sparing use of their remaining services, least we run the risk of incurring a fee for doing so.

For instance I may have to pay a service fee for exceeding a monthly allotment of ATM withdrawals, perusing my statements on-line too often, or daring to enter a branch to make an over the counter transaction.

With a little clever planning I have re-arranged my banking habits in such a way that my accounts operate fee free. I suspect many other customers have also done likewise.

Well the penny has finally dropped at the bank as they realise they have outsmarted themselves with this idea. NOW they are offering a new package of accounts. For a relatively nominal flat fee per month, I can conduct unlimited transactions on my account!

I can make as many ATM withdrawals as I want. I can cash as many cheques as I desire at whatever branch I choose. I can remain permanently logged into the on-line banking website if it suits me. And what will it cost? Just a few bucks each month!

Well sorry ladies and chaps of My Bank™, but I like my (or should I say your) banking arrangements as they are. Why would I want to start paying for extra services that, by your own doing, now seem superflouous?

Besides, I have no desire to walk into a branch and stand in a queue for half an hour to cash a cheque. Cash a cheque? How 1983! Who still uses cheques after the banks went all out to encourage electronic banking?

In this case thrift begets thrift, and I am happy with things as they are. Yet this is surely only a short term state of affairs. My bank no doubt remains on the case, and will continue trying to find a way to coerce, or force, me into signing up for flat rate banking.