There’s been much speculation in recent weeks as to the actual identity of the blogger who calls himself John Cow.

Ms Ad Tracker (I’m sorry, I don’t know your name…) thought that John Chow, of all people, was the mysterious bovine bruva trying to make internet millionaires out of us all.

I even had a dream, a very vivid one in fact, that I was indeed John Cow (our first names are the same after all…), and was basking in the glow of a fantastic Alexa Rank… and boy did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed that morning…

I was pondering the Cow’s identity while having afternoon tea at my mooother-in-law’s place in Hong Kong, together with MySweetHeartTheFlirt, and was thinking how the recent cease and desist fiasco was bigger than the hype surrounding the upcoming Google pagerank.

It was sure as hell bigger than the Beatles. (Ha! The Beatles! They broke up 40 years ago or something - don’t you know?!)

In fact I was having an unusually fine time at MIL’s place today (contemplating the LearJet ride back to Sydney was half the fun), and it was then that the cogs clicked into place! I’d worked out John Cow’s real identity!

“I know who the Cow is!” I burst out excitedly. “John Cow is a Google technician, and he’s been delaying the next pagerank update, while he joins as many link trains as possible!”

MySweetHeartTheFlirt was aghast. MIL glared at me. “You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said all afternoon, have you? Further, how dare you address me that way!”

“No, you’re not the cow, John Cow is!” I said (with my fingers crossed). Happily Sadly that didn’t cut it, and before I knew what was happening, MySweetHeartTheFlirt and I were bound for Chek Lap Kok faster than you could say “milking time”.

MySweetHeartTheFlirt was not impressed, and she sat across the aisle from me with a scowl on her face all the way back to Sydney. I, on the other hand, was quite chuffed.

I know who John Cow is, and also why we’re all waiting so long for the next pagerank update.

Hmm, but wait. I remember how… agitated MIL had seemed all afternoon during our visit. Her slips of the tongue were, well, odd. “I haven’t updated the cat in two hours… I MEAN, I haven’t fed the cat in two hours.”

You don’t feed a cat every two hours! Then the way we were kicked out with suspicious haste WHEN I mentioned John Cow. Hmm. Very odd.

And as if that wasn’t enough, before we were even out the door of MIL’s apartment I could hear her tapping away, nine to the dozen, on her laptop. When I checked John Cow’s blog at the airport before we departed, guess what, it had just been updated!!

My smug feel good mood had turned to one of horror. OMG, this means John Cow is my mooother-in-law!!