Ok dudes and chicks, just to let you know I’ve been hard at it, because I know a lot of you want to hear how my master plan is progressing. So here’s an update.

I’ve spent the last few weeks raising funds to produce a movie about the story of my life. Mine is a story that has to be told. Here I am, of noble birth, a prince and heir to a throne no less, having to live amongst commoners. This is all thanks to a communist backed coup d’etat in my own country several years ago.

Of course sometimes the coup was led by fascists, it all depends on the political leanings of whoever I am attempting to solicit funding from. Money is money after all, regardless of whether it is red or blue ;)

To give my “story” additional credence, I am fortunate to have a friend with access to a warehouse in Sydney’s Surry Hills. We’ve thrown together a few props (kind of appropriate when making a movie) and the place just about looks like a genuine movie producer’s studio.

So far so cool.

The only problem is I haven’t managed to extract any cash from anyone just yet. But I am working on it. And to answer the obvious question. How do I explain away the fact that the movie will never actually be screened once completed?

That’s a minor detail dudes n dudettes. The answer is very simple.

My advisers will caution me against releasing the movie, due to it’s “sensitive content” and the ramifications that the information contained in the film may produce, if shown to the public (or anyone at all, including financial backers) at an inappropriate time.

An inappropriate time is defined as anytime up to the time I regain the crown of my kingdom. And that ain’t going to happen anytime soon now is it?

So as you can see it’s something of a Catch 22 situation. The movie can’t be released until I regain power, and to regain power, I will need additional funding. For the freedom fighters, of course.

Either I win. Err, I mean democracy wins. Stay tuned for another update kids.

Yuletide greetings, compliments of the season, and all that shite. Like a lot of people at this time of year, I pause and look inward. I think about my many, many, achievements in the year passed, and also give some thought to my goals for the new year.

I also party like hell. Man, I give it shit at this time of year. And why not? There are shit loads of parties and gigs to get out to. Anyhoo I was reading some of John’s recent posts here, as I do, and I have to say his Dirty Rotten Scoundrels post really piqued my imagination.

As most people know I am a man of many talents. I don’t mean to blow my own trumpet too much, but that is the fact of the matter. For instance I am one wicked DJ. I also really rip it up on the dance floor. I’m great with the chicks. What more do you need? I’m brimming with talent. I’m hot as well.

Anyhoo after looking at the aforementioned scoundrels post, I took the liberty of borrowing John’s DVD version of the movie, just to see what the fuss was all about.

Man a set up! Check out this line from the movie:

I came to the frustrating conclusion that I had style and taste, but no talent.

Now these words were spoken by chief scoundrel Laurance Jamieson (heh, we have the same initials). See where having style and taste got him?!? w00t! And unlike him, I have talent to boot!

This got me thinking. The smoke could be seen miles away man. And why not? I’d had this GREAT idea for 2004! I’ve been looking for something new to do, and I think I have found out what that is!

May I present Prince DJ LJ - liberator of the oppressed millionaires! All that money must be a burden, let me ease the load for you.

You see I recently discovered some amazingly remote family link to some amazingly obscure, now defunct, European royal family. I could regain the keys to my kingdom if only I could overthrow the fascist regime that took control of my principality many years ago.

In the meantime I decided to road test this little idea of mine. I just happened to be at Star City, Sydney’s casino, a few days ago. I also just happened to be dressed black tie. It’s the first time in my life I have hauled on a monkey suit, ever. I sat at the roulette table, and gracefully placed bets. I lost everything!

Later on, outside the casino, I made my debut as his highness. I was pacing back and forth, apparently trying to find the royal ring which had “fallen” off my finger. Pretty soon some tourists were helping me out! Alas the ring was not located, but everyone concerned bought my prince story! I didn’t make any money, but hey, it’s a start!

w00t!

I think I might be onto something here. Stay tuned as I bring more updates on this new venture. Hopefully I will soon be reporting from my new villa in the south of France!

Semantics?

WTF?

I blinked and four months passed me by. Where have I been? Under mountains of tin foil lying on the floor of my front room cookin’ up some mean sets, chillin’ and surfin’ at sounds like techno, and hangin’ with Randwick chicks.

Since I was last here even a foil head like myself has noticed that disassociated validates strict 1.1 - and John’s probably somewhere far far away, from those morons at the local bakery, writing a book about the feat.

While I’m at it, John is also (somewhere) dodging eviction notices from his pathetically ineffective property manager. Geez Ms Property Manager, you’re way scarier than any of us ever could be, and yet you can’t frighten off a baker who wears shorts all year round? How on earth do you ever manage to collect all those “arrears”?

For the record, my best work is still done with a microwave oven.

But I’m not here to take pot shots at socially inept bakers who date the chicks they hire, only to be dumped by the same chicks days later, or property managers who can’t find the reply button on their email proggy. Nah, I while I was checkin’ out disassociated’s links page, I tranced upon Simplebits.

Now someone tell me if these guys are geeks with nothin’ better to do, or what. Simplebits runs these quizzes, which as far as this tin foiled chemically overloaded DJ wanna be can tell, in actual reality (a sketchy concept that; reality) only split hairs when it comes to using correct (X)HTML.

Ar, sorry, SEMANTICALLY correct (X)HTML I mean.

For those who came in late, or know nothin’ about it, basically websites are coded to rulez. For years most people couldn’t give a monkey’s about rulez, but that’s all changed now.

See, if you don’t use the correct semantics, then basically you’re buggered mate. This is o8 (elite, l33t) like I’ve never seen it before. Chris’s sake the (X)HTML validates, uses CSS, but now we sit around debating the semantics of it.

In layman’s terms it means most likely that while disassociated may be strict 1.1, it is most likely semantically wrong. Now we’re arguing about i tags over em tags. Aren’t we taking this shite just a little too seriously now guys?

Upshot is, as the esteemed Mr Zeldman says, the word “semantic” may get bandied about more than is good for it. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Geez, who am to speak about semantics anyhoo, I don’t know jack about standards to begin with. I stage a strategic retreat to the tin foil. Did y’all know that DJ Jazzy Jeff is in Oz right now?

Soooo… the release of the much anticipated new Metallica album, St. Anger is imminent. We have been waiting literally months for this one, haven’t we? Nice ploy by the boys though, inn’t? Especially since the last couple of efforts, I refer to Load and Reload, didn’t exactly meet expectations, did they?

I read a review in Total Guitar magazine way back in August 1996, at the time of the Load release, where the writer was gushing about how experimental the album was, and how certain members of the band had been known to have both country and blues “leanings” for “sometime”.

Ok, Total Guitar were obviously more interested in Metallica’s guitar work, rather than their “orientation”, but the sentence did say a lot about the boys new “direction”. It would seem the rest of us were not so taken by this “experimentation” though.

So back to the suspiciously extended gestation period of St. Anger. How many rumours have we heard about this new release? We’ve all heard how “hard core” and “back to basics” it will be. Dark, hard, and fast, in fact.

St. Anger has been festering, and carefully cultivated at that, in our collective conscious to the point of, well, release, if you will excuse my crudeness. Apparently work was completed last year, so why wait this long for the release? Yeah…

In short, all the band driven media hype has gotten me so excited, that yes, at midnight on the appointed day, I’ll be down at Central Station Records… er, which I am sure will be part of the late night fun?!?

Stoked. I’m totally stoked, yo ya hear, phunky dudes and dudettes.

Whose up for an all nighter? Mix Up on Triple J carries Transmissions, an eight hour global dance party based at the Sydney Olympic Stadium! 25,000 eager beavers going off, a few casualities, my good self included, but what else is new?

It’s eight hours of hard core, hard ass dance - well wikkid!

Hell, the way some people spend their time, huh? I’ve just spent the last little while reading what could only be described as highly informative writing… on light bulbs?

Hello? Who cares how long a damn light bulb lasts?

Dude, you really need to get out of that studio of yours, and about a bit more often.

As for me I just spent the last few days mixing up some of Massive Attack’s new stuff off 100th Window. For anyone who has yet to indulge, I highly recommend it.

I just can’t wait to see what comes up here next, an extended rant on how environmentally unfriendly foam coffee cups are, or something?

Did someone just mention All India Radio?

That pricked my ears up, especially the bit about their “ambient and atmospheric beats”. I’m always on the look out for new sounds to sample into my sets.

All India Radio have been around a while, and love their Brian Eno music. You know, you just turn up the volume and turn off the lights and let your imagination (enhanced or otherwise) take control.

Take a jaunt in and out consciousness, drift between the subjective and the objective so to speak. In fact you could compare their sound as being kind of similar to the work of Jan Jelinek.

Hey, warm ambience… One critic however compared them to Pink Floyd. That greatly disturbed me. Dark side of the Moon, indeed.

It’s an oldie, but a goodie: the Bad Times virus “alert”

Is it just me, or is that certain Flash websites seem to be transmitters of viruses and worms? Not that I wish to point the finger and name any suspect websites (though I would love to in reality).

As if Flash sites weren’t bad enough as it is. Why? I’ll tell you. As would be quite plainly bleeding obvious I am a DJ. That means I have a slow internet connection at home. Why? Because instead of wasting money paying for super high speed ADSL net connection, I am more interested in keeping my decks and vinyl top notch.

Plus I’d rather buy certain other super high speed products, for after set chill outs. But back to those beloved Flash sites. Having a slow connection means I have to waste half and hour of my time downloading the damn intro screen or something, only to be further insulted by having my system infected by some worm once the site has “loaded”.

All I want to do is log onto the net and check out the latest raves. No such luck!